Addiction to Whiteness: A Call to Unlearn

“Black women are tired of attempting to save white women from addiction to their whiteness.”

On November 11, 2024, Robert Peoples of Affinis Humanity published a thought-provoking TikTok video in which he stated, “Black women are tired of attempting to save white women from addiction to their whiteness.” His words struck a nerve and challenged me, as a white woman and humanist, to reflect deeply on the ways white supremacy operates not only in society but also within myself. This post is a response to that call to self-examination and accountability, exploring what it means to confront our own complicity in systems of privilege and to take actionable steps toward unlearning the behaviors and beliefs that uphold them.

Robert · Affinis - Click to Watch!

As a white woman who has deconstructed my former religious beliefs and embraced secular humanism, I’ve come to understand the importance of confronting systems of power and privilege—especially those I benefit from. One such system is white supremacy. When Robert used that phrase, it resonated deeply. It challenged me to think critically about how whiteness operates not only in the world but also within myself.

This critique isn’t about blame; it’s about accountability. Like any addiction, this phrase suggests a reliance on something harmful, even if it feels comforting or secure. For white women, it points to the ways we unconsciously cling to the privileges of whiteness rather than addressing the systemic harms it perpetuates.

How White Women Benefit from White Supremacy

White supremacy isn’t always obvious; often, it’s subtle and embedded into the very fabric of our institutions and interactions. Here are some examples of how white women benefit from these systems:

• Perceived Innocence: White women are often stereotyped as less threatening and more trustworthy than women of color, shielding them from scrutiny or accountability in situations where women of color might face harsher judgment or punishment.

• Access to Resources: Systemic barriers like redlining have historically excluded people of color from well-funded schools, quality healthcare, and safe neighborhoods, granting white women easier access to these benefits.

• Hiring Preferences: White women often benefit from racial bias in hiring practices and are disproportionately advantaged by affirmative action policies originally intended to address racial inequities.

• Media Representation: White women are overwhelmingly represented as the default in media, fashion, and beauty standards, giving them societal validation often denied to women of color.

• Legal and Judicial Bias: White women receive more lenient sentences for crimes compared to women of color and are often seen as victims rather than aggressors due to societal biases.

• Freedom from Racial Profiling: White women are less likely to be racially profiled or targeted in public spaces or by law enforcement.

These privileges, while often invisible to those benefiting from them, come at a significant cost to people of color who face systemic barriers white women do not.

Women in positions of white privilege can work to even out the playing field by leveraging their privilege to dismantle systemic inequities, amplify marginalized voices, and create opportunities for others. Here are actionable ways to do this:

1. Educate Yourself

• Learn About Systems of Oppression: Take time to understand how white privilege operates in society and your own life. Seek out resources (books, articles, podcasts) created by people of color.

• Examine Internalized Biases: Reflect on how you’ve benefited from or upheld systems of privilege and commit to unlearning harmful beliefs.

2. Share Resources and Opportunities

• Hire and Promote Equitably: If you are in a position of power at work, prioritize hiring, mentoring, and promoting women of color.

• Redistribute Wealth: Donate to organizations and individuals doing grassroots work in communities of color. Support businesses owned by women of color.

• Offer Access: Share networks, professional opportunities, or platforms with those who might otherwise be excluded.

3. Amplify Marginalized Voices

• Pass the Mic: When you are invited to speak or lead, suggest a woman of color whose perspective is often overlooked.

• Support Without Centering Yourself: Use your voice to amplify others without making it about your personal journey or feelings.

4. Advocate for Structural Change

• Call Out Inequities: Speak up when you see racism or discrimination in your workplace, community, or social circles.

• Push for Equity Policies: Advocate for inclusive policies such as pay equity, anti-racist training, and equitable hiring practices.

5. Listen and Be Accountable

• Sit With Discomfort: Engage in difficult conversations without getting defensive. Listen to the experiences of women of color without trying to explain or justify your own perspective.

• Acknowledge Mistakes: When you mess up, apologize sincerely, reflect on what you’ve learned, and commit to doing better.

6. Use Your Privilege Strategically

• Challenge Racism: Use your privilege to disrupt racist actions, whether in professional settings, social groups, or public spaces.

• Advocate in Predominantly White Spaces: Speak about systemic inequities in spaces where people of color may not be present or feel safe doing so.

7. Build Genuine Relationships

• Collaborate: Partner with women of color on projects and initiatives. Value their expertise and ensure equal credit is given.

• Foster Inclusion: Create spaces where women of color feel valued, respected, and heard, rather than tokenized.

  
  

8. Teach and Mentor

• Educate Others: Share what you’ve learned about privilege and systemic inequities with other white women. Challenge them to examine their biases.

• Mentor Women of Color: Provide guidance, encouragement, and support to women of color pursuing their goals.

9. Advocate for Representation

Support Diversity: Push for inclusive representation in leadership, media, and decision-making spaces.

Uplift Stories: Support films, books, and other media that center the experiences and perspectives of women of color.

10. Commit to the Long Haul

• Recognize That Change Is Ongoing: This work is not a one-time effort; it’s a lifelong commitment to equity.

• Stay Engaged: Keep learning, growing, and advocating, even when it feels exhausting or uncomfortable.

By taking these actions, white women can use their privilege to dismantle oppressive systems and help create a more equitable society. True allyship requires more than intention—it requires consistent, tangible action.

Deconstructing Whiteness: A Humanist Perspective

As a former religious believer, I once followed a framework that gave me certainty about morality, community, and my place in the world. Letting go of that framework required me to question deeply ingrained beliefs and unlearn assumptions I had accepted as truth. Similarly, confronting whiteness involves questioning narratives we’ve been taught about ourselves, others, and society.

From a humanist perspective, this isn’t just a moral imperative—it’s a deeply human one. If we claim to value equality, dignity, and justice, then we must dismantle the systems that undermine those values. Whiteness, as a construct, thrives on division and dehumanization. Ignoring its impact is a failure of our humanity.

Moving Beyond Comfort

Unlearning whiteness, like deconstructing religion, is deeply uncomfortable. It requires us to admit our complicity in harm, even unintentionally. It challenges us to step outside of the comfort of familiar narratives and actively work to build something better.

But discomfort isn’t the enemy—it’s a tool for growth. When we listen, engage, and reflect, our subconscious beliefs rise to the surface. These are the beliefs that have been driving our actions without our awareness. When they pop out—often in moments of discomfort or challenge—we have a choice. We can deny them, or we can hold ourselves accountable, name them, and begin the work of addressing them.

A Call to Action

Here’s what I ask of us as white women:

• Listen More: Seek out voices and perspectives that challenge you. Prioritize listening over speaking, and approach these conversations with humility and curiosity.

• Embrace Discomfort: Force yourself to participate in conversations that feel uncomfortable. These moments are opportunities for growth, where the subconscious beliefs you didn’t know you held will come to light.

• Be Accountable: When harmful thoughts or actions surface, don’t shy away from them. Acknowledge them honestly and reflect on their roots. This isn’t about shame—it’s about becoming conscious so you can change.

• Be Kind to Yourself: This process is hard. You will make mistakes, but self-compassion is essential. Growth doesn’t come from perfection but from persistence.

• Build a Support System: Surround yourself with people who love you enough to sit with you in this discomfort, who challenge you when needed, and who encourage you as you work things out. These are the people who will walk with you on this journey.

  
  

A Humanist Commitment

Unlearning whiteness is not a destination but an ongoing process of growth and reflection. It’s about aligning our actions with the humanist values of equity, justice, and collective well-being.

Let’s make the conscious choice to listen more, challenge ourselves, and confront the systems that hold us—and others—back. Let’s choose humanity over comfort, action over complacency, and equity over privilege. Together, we can be part of creating a better world.